Highlights of This Past Week

Fiery conversations, cold Hefeweizens, and breathing the same air as my old friend Lindsey on Canary Wharf.

An hour conversation in which my friend, Gemma, describes how she got engaged – the most hilarious and touching marriage proposal I have ever heard. Nothing can beat a proposal in which the lady is still wearing her shower cap, and has yet to insert her contacts.

Being asked to be part of a wedding from one of my first California friends, Rachel. Four days in Austin, Texas next year, here I come!

Greg’s blackened, uncut toenails. Why a highlight? It was just too bizarre.

Lunch with Lindsey on a sunshine-filled day by the Roman Baths. She got to get away from the eighteen American teenagers and their ten pounds of weight in medication for an hour.

Wine, cheese and antipasti with Charlie and Eileen (my parent’s of the west coast) in our apartment in Bristol. Just like we used to in Long Beach.

The cathedral in England’s smallest city – Wells.

Pub Quiz at the Clifton Pub. We came in third, but with being three foreigners as our weakness, I was pleased with that result.

Oxford. A smile spread across my face as we entered the city and didn’t come off for the entire two days. “I want to move here,” I said to Jock for the twentieth time, “Have I said that already?” The masses of students give the old, venerable city a young, infectious energy. Bicycles keep the air clean and your eyes sharp as you cross the streets. Oh, so much more to say, but I’ll leave it at this – I want to move there.

Oh, and one more thing – Apparently, Oxford has retained all of its historical beauty because Hitler planned on making it his capital when he conquered England. Hence why London was torn to shreds. I read that in a “Best of England Pubs” brochure, so not sure how much accuracy that statement yields…but it’s fascinating if it is.

Other Highlights:

Pub crawl in Oxford. I found A Literal Girl. No, really, she exists. Miranda has a blog that I follow faithfully. When I say faithfully, I mean she is one of the rare blogs that I really look forward to reading and seek out her new posts. She writes eloquently, with meaning and has such insight into the fine details of life. She’s another American lady who lives in Oxford with her clever, charming English boyfriend, Xander. She showed us her city, and helped me to fall in love with it that much more.

Tea and cake with Jock in the sunshine with Stonehenge in the background. To be able to sit and have tea on the outskirts of Stonehenge discussing my future with the man I love – you can’t get any better than that.

An Engagement party.

Wales. No matter what anyone says – Wales is a magical country. Charlie, Eileen and I all agreed that we could spend two weeks trekking through the Brecon Beacons (that was the place Jock tried to take me on my birthday last year, but massive thunderstorms later, it failed.). We popped in the only castle owned by a Welshman in Wales – Carreg Cennen, walked along the farm, hiked 2.5 kilometers, popped by the nearby ancient market town of Llandeilo and grabbed a white chocolate, raspberry ice cream from the specialist shop on the corner.

Charlie and Eileen are able to get to France by the Chunnel, but their flight has been canceled to the USA. Who knew a volcano would cause such air traffic havoc?

Time Does That Thing, Ya Know?

10 days with no posting. This must be a record.

Time is something that I’ve always kept close tabs on – from watching the clock’s second hand tick in social studies class, waiting for the day to end so I could get home before the sun set and ride my bike down Piccadilly Road before dinner to panicking when I turned eighteen years old because I felt all my dreams were lost since I hadn’t yet achieved what I had set out to do, and surely everything past 18 years was a lost cause!

I tried to control time. I kept a journal so that I could jot down memories – desperately yearning to get a permanent imprint of the day’s activities in solid ink – just in case. In case of what? I’m still not sure.

I would sneak downstairs at night and hang out on the banister on the stairs by myself, listening to my mom’s conversations – still not wanting to be left out.

From a young age, I was annoyingly aware of my own mortality. I still to this day walk down the street and say to myself – “If this were your last moment on earth, would you be happy with your life?” Probably a clarifying and earnest thought for some, but after 25 years of this same thought circling your mind, you would get aggravated at it just like I do and just want to move on, live life and let it be. That little voice becomes a nuisance so loud that it makes happiness vital, but somewhat fruitless at the same time.

As I got older, I found time was getting faster – as anyone who has lived past the age of 25 will tell you, so I tried to pack as much into every day as I could – spinning my wheels so fast that I ended up doing the opposite of what I set out to do when I was young – I ultimately was forgetting more than I was remembering – not relishing anything, and ultimately relinquishing what is sacred about time – and that is, I think, living on my own terms. I guess I was, and probably still am, figuring out what those terms were.

Now, time just does what it likes. I have learned to try to maintain a bit of control, but ultimately have released that firm grasp of the tempo that my tiny hands so strongly and feverishly wanted to hold onto. Time, momentum, beats, and life’s pulse – they are all going to do what they like no matter how much I hold my breath, write it down or try to enjoy myself.

Walking around Wales yesterday, and in particular, the Carreg Cannen castle in the Brecon Beacons was one of those moments when time simply was what it was. It enveloped me, allowed me to get out of my head, enjoy the time with Charlie and Eileen and listen to the loud baa’s of the sheep down below. Every sound was crystal clear, every scene on the meadows distinct, and each step I took meant something. Perhaps it was the fact that it was their last day here in the UK (C&E’s, not the sheep’s) and the last day of having visitors for some time. Perhaps it was the brightness of the sun that so rarely shows it’s face, or perhaps it was the beauty surrounding me. Being in nature does that.

Each time I look ahead and think to myself “God damn, that will never be here,” I look behind me. Or, I introduce myself to a teenager and realize that wasn’t so long ago. As much as I can not wait for our traveling to begin, I know that it will be over before I know it, and that as soon as it begins, we are already on our way to the end of the trip. Therefore, I am here. I am writing on Sunday, 18 April 2010 at 5:33PM, and Portsmouth is tied with Aston Villa.

Past Meets Present

The future is not some place we are going to but one we are creating. The paths to it are not found but made. ~John Schaar

Courtney left yesterday.

At the airport, I was two seconds away from breaking down, sobbing my eyes out and dragging Courtney down onto the street, handcuffing her and ripping her boarding pass in two, three, no, five hundred little pieces. Luckily, this time, she was wise and said “Let’s make this quick and painless. Otherwise I’ll make a scene.” She saw into the future better than I did.

When I left Baltimore in December 2008 (Jock and I stopped in my home town on the way to England from Los Angeles), Courtney and I made a scene. It was bad. It was loud, and we were a mess. It went on for a painful amount of time – our crying and wailing and laments – and that didn’t make the leaving any easier. Thank God we refrained this time – for our sakes, and the poor English people around us. I don’t think the Brits are ready for the Bauer/Lopez breakdown.

Since Courtney left yesterday, I no longer feel like I’m living some type of fairy tale dream in England that doesn’t really exist. Don’t get me wrong, my life here existed before Courtney came to visit, but not really. I don’t really know how to explain it. I’ll do my best.

It’s like since there was no other human in Bristol who had experienced any other point in my life’s history – no one knew me as an actor (I acted for 17 years), or as a student (20 years), or as a single woman (most of my life), or even as a brunette (I was blonde for two years until three months ago). No one knew me in any other context besides being a foreigner in England and Jock’s girlfriend, so how did I know that any of my past really did actually happen? There was no one to talk to about it or reminisce.

Or, for that matter, how could I tell that my life in Bristol wasn’t all just a dream? How did I know I wasn’t really making it all up? Was my American accent even real, or was I just making it up to be different amongst these people? (These are some of the thoughts that would haunt me every once in a while).

Why do I need validation from the past to be happy in the present anyhow?

I’ve been in England for a year and three months, and although my sister was the first to visit last March, Jock and I didn’t have an apartment, a job or much money. So, we traveled with my sister and it was absolutely amazing as I love my sister to pieces, but I couldn’t show her where I lived. I hadn’t created a home for myself and I hadn’t yet made friends.

Having Courtney come this time – my best friend of 22 years – popped my illusive English bubble, and made it real. It was the first time I had my own living history walking next to me down my street, introducing her to my friends, showing her my town and my new country. It was the first time I had another American speaking in my ear while all the foreigners spoke in weird accents.

It’s only now that I can say that. It’s only now I realize that’s how it felt. I could write about my life here on this blog, my friends and family could comment on it, and I could send photos, but no one else was experiencing it with me. That’s the only way I can explain how it felt to have Court here – she made it real.

Our friends are a reminder of who we are. They bring us back to our hearts, remind us how we got here, and make sure we know who helped us to get here. They evoke forgotten memories and past lives. I miss my American friends. I miss them a lot, but I love my life here. Moving makes it impossible to always have everyone you meet along the way there with you (a lesson I learned young), but moving also brings the past to the present and makes you realize more about yourself than you ever knew.

That’s what I get from it at least.

A Few Highlights

Courters Invasion is coming to an end, but we still have a few more action packed days. Here’s a few highlights in the meantime:

Courter’s Yankee Invasion

We won the pub quiz last night! OK, we didn’t win, but we got second place. OK, we got second place at first until the guy realized he had made an addition error. So, we got third place! The name of our team was appropriately called “Courters Yankee Invasion” – won a big Easter Egg….yippee. As we walked up to claim our prize, the announcer looked at us, and before we spoke said in a very dry, monotone voice, “So, I’m assuming you’re the Yankee Invasion.” Was it written on our face?

Another quick note as I need to get in the shower to do more of Bristol…spent Sunday in Bath watching Jocko run the half marathon. He did his P.B. with a time of 1 hour 38 minutes. We were very proud of him with our pink and white pom poms. Wanna see a little video of us being interviewed? About half way through (1 minute, 32 second mark) you should see two very American ladies.

Off to Bournemouth tonight, Portsmouth tomorrow, London on Thursday and Friday, Chepstow Horse Racing on Saturday, Girls Night out in Bristol Saturday night, and English roast on Sunday!